Best System

How to beat the system

Of course you want to get your Judgment - that's the goal of your legal divorce - but you don't want to go through the adversarial legal system to get it. You don't want to get all tangled up with lawyers and courts because the system is designed to work against you.

You don't go through the legal system, you go around it. You work outside the legal system to make arrangements and reach an agreement with your spouse.

By doing things yourself, you have far more control and far better solutions. Working outside the legal system is the way you get a low conflict, low impact, higher quality divorce.

Look again at the map that was discussed in the section, The Divorce Roadmap.

To stay outside the legal system, do not retain an attorney. Neither spouse should retain one. The key word is "retain." We're not saying you should never get help from an attorney if you want it, just that you should not retain an attorney unless you have no other choice. If you follow the steps in this short course, you may not need any help at all from an attorney. If you do, you will know how to keep it limited and under control.

• Retaining an attorney means turning over both your responsibility for your case and control of it. The attorney represents you. You sign a retainer agreement, then you pay $1,000 to $5,000 "on retainer" and your attorney has now taken over control of your case. This is what they mean when they say, "I'll take your case." And they do take your case - right into the high conflict, low solution legal system. They have to; it's the law.
• Because you don't want to go into a system that works so hard against you, you must not retain an attorney unless you have no other choice. You should retain an attorney if you are facing immediate threat of harm. You need an attorney if you:
• Believe your spouse poses a danger to you, your children or your property;
• Can't get support from your spouse and have no way to live;
• Think your spouse is transferring, selling or hiding assets.

In such cases, you should get a good attorney right away; otherwise, you only want an attorney for information, advice and maybe some drafting and paperwork.

The attorney retainer is the poison apple - don't bite it.

If you feel uneasy about not retaining an attorney, don't worry; in the rest of this course, you are going to learn very effective things you can do for yourself and how to get help if you need it.

There are three different kinds of cases that respond to self-help techniques:

• No agreement between the spouses is needed;
• An agreement will be fairly easy to work out;
• An agreement is needed but it may not be easy to work one out.
• No agreement needed or spouse not involved. In some cases, an agreement between the spouses either isn't necessary or not possible. In some cases, this is because there are no children, very little property, few debts to worry about, no need for support --in short, nothing to agree to. There are also cases where the Respondent simply will not participate and will not file a Response. Respondent is either long gone or simply doesn't care. This case will be relatively easy to complete.
• Agreement needed. Most couples, however, do need an agreement or should have one. If you have children, you should work out a good parenting plan in a written agreement. If you have income or property worth protecting, or lots of debts to be paid, or if you need to work out spousal or child support arrangements, you should definitely have a written agreement. If Respondent is involved and cares how the divorce is going to be arranged, you should have an agreement.

Agreement will be easy to work out. If you think it will be no problem for you and your spouse to work out an agreement, the rest of this lesson is about the many advantages of a good agreement.

Agreement may not come easily. This describes the situation for most couples going through divorce. If, like most people, you don't think you can deal with your spouse, don't worry --Lesson 2 tells you exactly how to deal with disagreement and negotiate a settlement.

In the rest of this short course you will learn that the things you can do to help yourself are far more effective than anything a traditional attorney can do for you. You will learn about the obstacles to agreement and how to overcome them, how to negotiate effectively with your spouse, and where to get help if you have trouble with the negotiations.

The solutions are in your hands. Apart from the legal system --which you can avoid-- all obstacles to your agreement are personal, between you and your spouse and between you and yourself.

Take care. Pay special attention to emotional upset and especially insecurity and fear. These are the forces that drive people into a lawyer's office. You want to avoid doing anything that might increase the upset and fear of either spouse.

The upset person is saying, "I can't stand this, I won't take it anymore! I'm going to get a lawyer!" The insecure person is saying, "I can't understand all this, I can't deal with it, I can't deal with my spouse. I want to be safe. I need someone to help me. I'm going to get a lawyer." And this is how cases get dragged into unnecessary legal conflict.

You need to arrange things so both spouses are comfortable about not retaining an attorney. If you think your spouse may be upset or insecure, you have to be very careful and patient. If you are feeling incapable of dealing with your own divorce, the information in this book will help a lot and you will see that you can get all the help and support you need without retaining an attorney.